Okay...so the purpose of this blog is about health, happiness and well-being...mine. It's sort of turned into a food blog and quite frankly, that's about all of those three things. I've cooked some great low calories, gluten-free fabulous and fantastic recipes over the last few weeks and I have pics. I've done shrimp/scallop with green chile tacos, some fabulous shiritaki noodle recipes....essentially, I've been promoting health but what is body health without mental health?
Well...I have a really hard time expressing my feelings, letting people in and generally opening up. You can ask any friend or family of mine...I'm a hard one. I've always been a hard one...losing your parents at a young age (that's a story for another time) but it has definitely affected how I approach relationships. I have never, ever, ever felt like I have belonged anywhere with anyone, any family or just anywhere. So, feeling like that, I have always had too big of a heart and I forgive too easily because I want to be accepted. Some folks may say that forgiving is a good thing but when it is detrimental to your health, happiness and well-being, you know...it's okay to not forgive easily...I am working on this.
So...here's something that some people know and some people don't....I'm an abused person. No, not an abused woman but an abused person. I've had bad things happen to me as a child (I am not going to point any fingers), I've had bad things happen to me as a teenager (again, no finger pointing) and as an adult...here is where I finger point, I point it at me because I tolerated it.
My last relationship was the worst ever. I married someone that I thought was my perfect match. He was great for me until we got married and then when things didn't work out, the abuse began. I must also own the fact that alcohol was a contributor as well. The crazy part is that I didn't rely on him to support me, I had that covered, I make my own way and my own money...I was just always taught that you should forgive. Oh yeah, I forgave and one night in December 2012, my forgiveness almost cost me my life. I laid in the floor of my house, fighting against someone who was much stronger than I was begging him not to kill me because I had grandchildren that I wanted to see grow up. It was in that plea that I was able to get away and run to the neighbor's house so they could call the police and save me from dying.
Yet...the worst wasn't over yet. After I had been physically abused with my eyes black and blue, my throat swollen from being strangled, I couldn't get anyone that I knew to pick me up from the emergency room...broken and bruised. I ended up walking from the ER to a friend's house, who hugged me and took me home. I had another friend and her husband come over the next day to check on me but guess what...that was it.
You know what happened after that...people I knew did the "tough love" or "I'm not going to enable you" or "I'm sick of hearing about this because this isn't the first time" you allowed the abuser back into your life. Well, you know, I didn't think that I did anything to you, I might have made bad decisions but I didn't deserve to be abandoned because I thought I was being a good person by forgiving and allowing another broken person to try again. Oh yes...I paid a price, I could have died but I didn't.
What I did learn is that as a friend (here's where my need for emotional well-being begins), I might not like the decisions that you make but if I am going to be your friend, I will NEVER turn my back on you. Unfortunately, in our efforts to not "enable" or to enact "tough love" we actually forgot what loving someone is. It doesn't mean you have to enable but you can still be there...you can offer your love, your support and your understanding.
I don't always approve of my friends or my kid's choices but I will say that today I am here as much as I can be and need to be and I will always offer my hand. I cannot guarantee that I can make anything better for you but that hug, that hand, that friendship without walls when you need it might just be what you need to feel better.
I struggle every day...heck, I moved across the country and I do get to see my grandchildren often but am I emotionally better...I'm working on that and it is a long road!
Should be every bit proud as you are! Have never been fond of the tough love thing myself. I like a story a counselor I know tells. He had become so full of his addiction he was every bit the conniving, begging, and even a thief that his parents could no longer contend with had resulted from a high power ceo to living in a abandoned warehouse. His father swould leave a breakfast biscuit on the post outside the warwhouse every single morning without fail. THAT'S the one thing that got him thru and got him back to reality, face up enough to get help, was to be reminded every day that his father still loved him. KUDOS Kimberly!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Suzanne...I really appreciate the feedback!
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